Being an adult is hard. For those of you in my Ole Miss freshman orientation group, I would like to sincerely apologize for announcing my degree as "getting my M-R-S" (true story). I had grown up thinking that was the goal: Get married, be a wife and a stay at home mother. I quit my (2nd) favorite job when I was about 6 months pregnant with my son. I loved it! I had my daughter soon after, and life was seriously busy and full and wonderful. As my kids got older, life changed. There were things that were harder and things that were easier. My daughter has many health issues and so while I had more time, much of my time was spent in hospitals, doctor's offices and basically getting my MD from the internet: (One time I self diagnosed a pulmonary embolism while on vacation in San Francisco. It turned out that my pants were too tight, so... I probably wouldn't schedule an appointment with me just yet). I was a little restless, but certainly everyone is a little restless and after being out of work so long I couldn't imagine how I could possibly go back. I was a stay at home mom and people who say that isn't a full time job are just assholes.
One day, I woke up and walked out of my bedroom to my husband who was waiting on me in our living room to tell me that he had filed for divorce. I felt like my world had ended. As sad as I was about getting divorced, the paralyzing feeling was fear. What the #*!! was I going to do now? One friend will tell you that on that first day all I could say was: "I don't want to work at the Gap" and "I don't want to work at Katy's Hallmark". No offense to either, I have no clue why it was so specifically Katy's Hallmark, I have in fact never been in there; and I have no real issues with the Gap. The point was I felt that no one would hire me; I felt like I had no skills; more deeply I felt that I had no value.
I think I should probably really hit the fast forward button b/c I tend to let my ADHD take me down every side street and some of them are so important and beautiful. But, here's the short version of what happened next: I showed up for myself in big scary ways while getting divorced and through a bad business partnership and many bad days. I did really hard things that I'm proud of; things that re-started my heart and gave me confidence. And the biggest thing to date; I started my own business. It is absolutely not glamorous. It is more work than any one person can do. It is risky, it is scary and it is also something I am really proud of.
I am absolutely not out of the woods. But this month, I am celebrating the 2nd year of my business. Failure is still a very real prospect and each day is an exercise of faith. It helps so much in the fearful moments to look back on the victories that felt small in the day to day but are monumental. I am so grateful to those of you who have been a part of this with me and supported me. There are no words! Here's to year THREE and shirtdress world domination.
Love to you!